by A Perfect Union Art Gallery
2024 – When this Call To Artists came out, it was a challenging choice since I don’t often post about or publicize the more personal details of my past. However, the theme was so personal to me that I knew that if others who had endured even a small amount of that trauma could participate then I would stand beside them.
The piece(s) I chose to submit to the show I entitled “Rock Bottom.” Often, when someone makes the decision to be sober, it’s said that they were there. I often quote AA since they told me that rock bottom can just be where you stop digging.
These photos were taken to represent a time when I did feel like I was at the bottom, where I wanted to stop digging and reclaim power in myself and my choices. Below, you can see the images in the three-part series and the captions that were shared with them.
I did the painting and had the vision for the shots, but it was captured by fdsedanoarts and then I edited the images with Adobe Photoshop to help the viewer understand the depth of the emotions. The series represents the rebirth and the common phoenix personified.
I didn’t promote it heavily because I wasn’t sure how emotional I would be attending the event myself.
Thankfully, they had some incredible volunteers from the VSC and it was the perfect balance to the intense energy of the survivors sharing their stories.
These items are still available for sale, along with others from the show on A Perfect Union’s website HERE. The three prints are 3″ x 5″ with modern black frames.
Birth of the Phoenix
I was surrounded by people but so alone. I was smothered by interaction while still starved for affection. I was told the mere presence of another body demonstrated love. // I knew I wanted more. I was begging. I was using my words only to have them shoved back in my face, suffocating me. It was MY fault. I was killing “us.” // My house shook with screams and cries. Neighbors ignored to avoid the hypocrisy. How could you save me when you’re doing the same thing? No religion took me in and no savior flew to my rescue. I was in charge of my own future and happiness. // So, I burned it all down. I tore it apart. I took what I needed, unselfishly, and let the rubble show itself to me. What remained? What persisted? // I did. And from there I got my wings.
Controlling the Flames
I was angry. For so long I was ignored – voiceless. I felt suffocated by words that brought others peace. // It wasn’t about me. “Fairness” meant that I kept my mouth shut and took orders. My desire to maintain ‘kumbaya’ outweighed my ability to stand up for myself: to remind them who I am. But, I needed to remind myself who I was first. // Once I was free – I realized it. It still wasn’t about me. Not about my hurt. Avenging my pain only spreads the hurt around. Despite the cold, burning anger I felt… revenge would bring me no closure. // The truest rush came from believing in those around me. The more I pointed out ‘the best’ I saw in others, the more I was able to acknowledge my own gifts. // They say, “With great power comes great responsibility” and that applies to passion as well. Only pour your heart into efforts that will help you grow. If they weren’t worth your time when they were in your life, don’t waste more energy keeping there as a nemesis. // You are too beautiful to have a rival, my dearest fire-bird. Your wings were meant for greater heights.
Acceptance & Transcendence
This isn’t anything new, though. This wasn’t my first “rebirth.” If you’ve known me long enough, you’ve seen plenty of versions of “me” as I created my infernal cocoon and crescendoed into a wiser iteration. (Or so I would hope) // I’m no stranger to burned bridges and I wear my share of scars to remind me of my choices. I don’t act without consequence. // I have few things in this world I care enough to fight for, but high on that list I need to place MYSELF. // My mother used to say, “Any strength, when overextended, becomes a weakness.” You can give but don’t give yourself away. You can love but don’t do so blindly. You can take, but know when to restrain. Find balance, know peace. // That’s been my word for 2020, balance. With everything going on, it’s hard to know what that means these days, but to me it means knowing when to shut my work laptop and sign off. It’s knowing when to sleep in if I went to bed too late. It’s knowing when to call my family if I haven’t reached out in a while. It means knowing when to seek professional help to talk through subjects that are a little too heavy even for my inner circle. // Balance will look different to everyone because only YOU will know what you can carry. Find your center, follow your purpose, ignite your world.
